I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize