you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
