Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
