I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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