and she was petting her beer can
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
