God, you're like boner-b-gone
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
