I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
