We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
