You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I believe in your delicious
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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