hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
