so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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