Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
