You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
