Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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