Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize