i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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