so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
