Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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