I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
