yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
