Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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