You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
