I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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