the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
