Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
