You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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