think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
