Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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