On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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