so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
