And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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