I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize