i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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