Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
