i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
