why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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