A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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