i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
