We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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