Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
