I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
