How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
