I have demons in me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
