Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
