farters have to be the big spoon...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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