Jerry, you need to find god
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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