i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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