i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
