New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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