Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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