grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize