Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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