So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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