We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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