so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
