1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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