My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
