Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
