from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
