I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize