just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
