Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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