So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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