Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
