its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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