I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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